Back from the Dead

I have been away for a while. I actually missed blogging while I was gone. There were times when I had a moment of brilliance and thought it would make a great blog , but I didn't have access to a computer so... On another note, I had soem time to do some reading again and got into a book called the Kite Runner. A friend had reccommended it and I happened to see it in Starbucks some time ago so I picked it up. I didn't have time until recently to read it. It was a little difficult to get into at first, but I am quite a ways through it and am enjoying it. It is about and Afghani boy and how he ends up in the US. He always wanted to be a writer and eventually fulfills his dream - he writes this book. They are also making this one into a motion picture. I give it a 3 out of 5 stars.

Glass everywhere

There was glass everywhere I looked. Big pieces to tiny shards. I tried to clean it all up but I must have missed a piece since my foot was bleeding this morning. The stench of teh trutle's water was overwhelming. The whole scene was very ironic. My hear felt like the broken glass - a million little pieces and the stench is what I imagine heartbreak smells like.

Bad example

Something happened at work today that reminded me of something I read about the other day. In the paper was posted a picture and a story about Hooter's waitresses posing with guns and gear of military police that went to New Orleans to help with Hurricane Katrina rescue. My supervisor runs his son's 11 year old soccer team. As an end of season celebration tehy want to take the boys to Hooter's. I sit really necessary at 11 years old? I am in no way a prude, nor am I easily offended, but what do 11 year olds need to know about Hooter's? is it just me?

Happy he isn't here

I am sooo happy my supervisor isn't here. He is away for the week and I couldn't be more pleased. Maybe now I can get some real work done instead of responding to his e-mails for him. I mean goodness, can he do at leats that on his own. I bet if it couldn't be construed as sexual misconduct he would have me wipe his ass for him too. Wish I could cash his checks and spend his money for him. That he manages to do on his own.

Hello ....God, you there?

Dear God,

You already know everything that is going on. I am writing with regard to that one particular situation. I thought that I would knwo by now what to do, but I don't. I was on the wrong path, but I believe this is a big test you are giving me. I surrender completely and put all my trust in you. I am terrified - is it wrong to be terrified if I am trusting you? I know you will lead me in the right direction, but please, just make the direction so obvious that I fall into it, stumble on it. I want to do the right thing, but I want to be happy and sitting around waiting to find out if I am making the right decision is driving me crazy.

The Wonderful Wizard of Oz

I watched the Wizard of Oz last night as part of a class assignment. I have seen the Wizard of Oz many, many, many times, but never quite as I saw it this time. Partly because I had a mission - to discuss beliefs. The other part is because obviously, I have more life experience and my views have changed since I was 5 or 9 or 12. It brought back a lot of memories. The Wizard of Oz was an annual event in my mother's house. All of my cousins would come over and we would pop popcorn on the stove - no microwaves then - and they would sleep over. My son wanted no part of it however and I explained to him he better watch it - he may need it some day. But my pleas fell on deaf ears.

A Piece of Cake

A Piece of Cake is actually a book written by a woman named Cupcake Brown. I reccommend this book. It was a fantastic real life account of Cupcake's tragic and ultimately triumphant life. In short, it is story about a child (Cupcake) whose mother dies unexpectedly and instead of being placed with loving family memebers, she is basically sold to an evil foster caretaker by her biological father. She is abused, runs away, gets into drugs and prostitution, is abused some more both physicaly, sexually and mentally and still manages to pull it all together, graduate from Law School and is now a successful attorney in San Francisco. You can read more about the book on her web-site: www.CupcakeBrown.com Her story is slated to be made into a motion picture film.

Homework

CRT 100 Homework Assignment

Gina Nicasio


PERCEIVING WORKSHEET

Assignment: Answer the following questions


1. Do pictures, video, audio tapes tell what actually happened?

- Yes, pictures, video and audio tapes tell what actually happened, however, how an individual perceives something may influence what they actually see and/or hear. We apply our experiences even to solid and concrete evidence such as pictures, video and audio tapes to decipher what we are seeing and/or hearing.

2. When does fact end and perception begin?

- Fact ends and perception begins when we have to use that fact in any given circumstance - when he have to understand, relate or analyze the fact or facts. It is then that we take what we know to be a fact and apply it to our own experiences and/or knowledge.

3. What is the difference between fact and perception?

- a fact is what actually happened and perception is our take on that fact - how we evaluate that fact to understand it using our own knowledge and insight.



Gina M. Nicasio, Trial Paralegal
WEITZ & LUXENBERG, P.C.
180 Maiden Lane, 17th floor
New York, NY 10038
direct dial:(212)558-5523
facsimile: (212)344-5461
e-mail: gnicasio@weitzlux.com

To my daughter ... on shoes

Baby, the sexy 4 inch heels will do something fierce for you, but there is something to be said about being comfortable. I decided to forgo the big girl shoes today and I am wearing my discreet and oh so comfy black sneakers. Usually, I feel like I can stomp or pin anything under my spikes the problem is you start out strong in the morning and by day's endI am lucky to make it home. Today in my sneakers I feel like can accomplish anything and I know I will have as much foot poer at 8PM as I do at 8AM. So, sometimes you need to pull out the comfy shoes.

Bad feeling day

My emotional house and overall social standing just felt off yesterday. I definitely rubbed some people the wrong way and some people definitely rubbed me the wrong way. All that rubbing really chaffes. I don't like conflict and usually have really good connections with those that touch my life and vice versa. Hopefully today will flow better despite the gloomy weather. I would really like to crawl in bed and stay under my quilt and shut-out the world. True to my crab nature.

What Happened to the Weekend?

I swear I must have been so busy that I skipped Saturday and Sunday. It feels almost surreal that I woke up, showered, got my son dressed and off to school, got to the express bus, got on the bus, commuted to work, and am now sitting here at my desk sipping coffee and blogging. But I guess it is all true well because here I am at my desk sipping coffee and blogging. It seems like forever until 4:30; and then school - I won't see my house for another 12 hours. It's not right.

Jury Duty

I had jury duty on Wednesday and Thursday. I wasn't picked. It is so odd to be on the other side of the fence. Usually I am with the attorneys when they are interviewing prospective jurors. I actually didn't mind the quiet alone time. I got to catch up on a good read and do some writing. I guess I am free of my duty for another 4 years or so.

The Hard Part Is Getting There

I really didn't want to get up this morning to go to work. But I thought about what Prof. Evans said - once you are there it is easy. So, instead of snoozing until the alarm clock goes off for the 4th time I oozed out of bed, with sleep still in my eyes I jumped in a hot shower and once the sleep melted off of me I was good to go. Now here I am at work being very productive and I only have 390 more minutes to go, excluding 1/2 hour lunch break, until I can leave.

In Mourning

We buried my mother-in-law in Santo Domingo last week. I feel a terrible loss for a life that was cut short unecessarily. Even though, I believe everything happens for a reason, it is really difficult to rationalize or comprehend this one - both with my mind and my heart. I wish I could have known her longer, spent more time with her, and most of all that my husband would have a chance to have his mother in his life forever. Just wanted everyone to know what a wonderful person she was and I can't thank her enough for trying for that fourth baby just in case it would be a boy - and was! Can't forget to thank God for intertwining all of our lives. I know she is with him and in our hearts forever.

Common Courtesy

Is is soooo difficult for people to have a little common courtesy?!?! I am courteous to everyone I come across, but I am finding it more and more difficult to find others that are the same, especially at the office. Some people say it is the twenty-somethings today, they have no regard for others. I have always been polite or friendly. It really doesn't take that much effort. In fact I would feel a little ridiculous just letting go ofa door once I pass through, especially if I know someone is following not too far behind me. I say hello or smile to those passing me in the hall - obviously we work together, even if you don't exactly know who I am, we are co-workers nontheless. And even better, you don't know who I could be or who I know. Doesn't it just make more humankind sense to say hi. Or just nod - acknowledging my presence is enough for me! I didn't just turn this way either, I have always been like this.

Good lunch

We decided to forgo the usual today and we ordered food from the local spanish restaurant. Their food is so good that our unofficial puerto rican gourmet chef orders whenever we order from there. I had pernil with tostones. Sooo good. I am so happy I didn't eat breakfast this morning. Lunch was right on time. I even ordered my husband's favorite beef stew. Ok so maybe the incentive behind this was a little selfish - now I don't have to cook since my kids have usually already eaten once I get home. All I have to do is heat it up when my hubby gets home at 1:30 AM!

Boys to Men in 0 to 60

I was on the train last night on the way home from critical thinking class. A boy gets on - very child like features. I only notice dhim because he looks similar to my son. Same complexion, dark hair - It is what I imagine my 9 year old looking like as he transforms from child to pre-teen. One minute does not pass before I am again immersed in my paintball 2 game on my stupid-phone (a/k/a Palm smartphone). What I hear next is harsh, vulgur, just plain ugly. It is conversation between two teenage boys. "Fuck this son - no I don't live with my dad I live wit my step dad - oh shit that nigga is tappin yo mom's ass - so what bitch I don't care - yo son w efucking lost b - fuck that - shut teh fuck up" and this went on for about 10 minutes. I looked up to see what stop we were at and realized the boy I notice dgetting on tehtrain earlier - who couldn't have been more than 12 was one of the boys having this exchange of fuck-yous and yo sons with a"friend". I quote friends because I often thought at that age that someone was my friend when in reality they were just there for a fleeting moment. As Professor Evans pointed out - people are in our lives or we have relationships at certain times because we need them at that time and I believe some people are really in our lives only for a season. I was upset that this boy that reminded me so much of my son was already so tainted. It was 8:00 at night - why was he on a train without a parent. he should have been home getting ready for bed, the next school day ahead. I felt sad for him - I don't know why, but I felt for just him and not his friend. Maybe because I did think of my son. It was so ironic that these kids were trying so hard to be what they thought was grown yet in between stops they marveled at how longteh train was and how cool it was when it turned a corner to be able to see the other cars - like children watching a toy electric train going around a track. I knew when that boy said he didn't care about his Moms getting "tapped" by his step dad that he really did. When the train passed a certain stop he exclaimed to his friend that if he got off there he could go to his Dad's house. It was almost as if he longed to go there but didn't want to give a fuck at the same time. So is this boy considered abandoned and where do we draw the line? Does someone have to go as far as the woman in the news story did and leave a baby in a closet? Women "leave" their kids everyday for a man. Is it because someone left them and they are so desperately seeking that love? I think so. I wanted so bad for that boy's cell phone to ring and hear him explaining to his worried mother that he was just a little lost and would be home in a few minutes but he was ok, but his phone never rang and before the last stop they got off and disappeared into the night.

Possibility

I was thinking about a picture I have of me from when I was a baby - about two months old. A nun is holding me somewhere inside the Orphanage I called home for the first two months of life - it is a place in Brooklyn called Angel Guardian Home. The place is no longer open and hasn't housed children in years, although they did facilitate adoptions up until this year. Several time over the years when my husband and I discussed me being adopted and how strongly he feels I should find my biological parents, I often told him how the person I really wanted to meet was the nun in that picture. I am not sure why. Naturally I am different from my adopted family, which I guess is expected in some ways, but I am radically different. I never really fit in and once I was old enough and started making my own decisions it seemed as though those decisions involved my adopted family less and less. Of course, my immediate family, my Mother and Father are involved in every aspect of my life, but as far as Aunts, Uncles, cousins, other, I see/speak to them them once or twice a year. No love loss there. My husband and I have come up with a theory. My first life bonding experience was with that nun who happened to be brown skinned, as is my husband. This then explains why even though I was raised in an all white neighborhood and family, I have soul. It is my opinion that very few white people have soul. There are exceptions of course - i.e., John Travolta. In any event, my husband is sure and I believe him, that the nun fed me food, sang me songs, danced with me in her arms and talked to me as she would have to her own child if she had one. This is the only explanation my husband and I could come up with as for my desire for hot sauce on everything, my tatse in music, my dating history, my penchant for Terry McMillan books and my smooth moves on the dance floor. It makes sense to me. I learned the other day from my Mother that the priest who runs the parish she belongs to has monthly contact with the nuns from Angel Guardian Home. She knows of my desire to meet that nun and she is going to try to hook me up. Who knows, maybe it will happen. Stay tuned to find out.

Blah Day

I don't know what to blog about today. The ideas are all there in my mind but they seem so distant. Nothing really stands out - so many things on my mind but nothing I really want to discuss. I feel foggy, need sleep. Maybe coffee will help? Sitting here trying to come up with something, but there is dead silence. Tune in later.

Trouble With Authority

I couldn't have planned what happened at work today to coincide with what we discussed in class even if I wanted to, but it did. OK, so my co-wroker Barbara calls in and says she isn't going to be int oday but there is an inter-office envelope, marked "confidential", for the attorney we work for. I couldn't get my hands on teh envelope fast enough. I just knew it had to contain something related to what we should or should not be doing. Suddenly W&L cares about how their employees conduct themselves down to the most minute detail. It is like having a child and letting them do whatever they want as long as their grades are good and suddenly saying well Jane, Dad and I have a whole new set of rules for you to follow. No matter how good your grades are we will be scrutinizing your every move. That child does not know how to behave as he/she should and it is going to take more than supernanny to fix it. In this case it is worse because the attorney I work for basically doesn't care about the rules and does not hide it. Yeah the partners give hima hard time but he brings in over 80% of referrals and he is a childhood friend of the W part of the equation. I think he should be exempt from the rules. Of course I also think that exemption should trickle down to me since I do all the leg work and make sure what needs to be done gets done with the end result of $$$ for all. So a few months back they started changing things around here. For as long as I have been here - (10 years) and well before me, thsi place was known as a "country club" and was run as such. Leisure lunches, breaks a plenty, as long as work was done and $$$ was rolling in there was no problem. Now everything is a problem. First I could no longer put in for hours that I spent reading materials from home for trial projects. Then I could no longer put in for parking reimbursement. Last summer I worked 3 months at my bosses family owned day camp while receiving full pay from W&L. This year I couldn't go. Then I couldn't keep my sneakers on. Then lunch had to be an hour long only. Now today this "confidential" envelope says I can't work any hours that deviate from 9am to 5pm. This is BS is say. So by 12 my boss doesn't say anything so I tell him a little birdie told me about a delinquent status attached to my name. He points me to the trash can where I see the envelope and its contents in many pieces. At least we are on the same page. Of course I want to call HR and say nanny nanny boo boo Micheal threw out the memo. And by the way, I don't have a set schedule, but as my fellow co-worker Joel said, and I quote, "I would just let sleeping dogs lie - until they bark". That is just what I will do. I will continue to do as I see fit/proper and hopefully the envelopes will keep ending up in the trash can. I just hope I don't end up in the trash can!

Turtles hold a special place in our home. We have a tank with 4 of them. Here is an interesting two headed turtle I would love to have.

Supermammawifeyetstillanindividual

I was Supermammawifeyetstillanindividual person yesterday. Woke up early to begin my clean up routine before the hubby wakes up. Ironed his uniform, made coffee, pretended to be interested in the X-Box game Benny was playing, made a shopping list, cleaned the dog area outside and fed them, made lunch for my love to take to work, made sure Benny did homework, made breakfast for Benny and myself, got gym bag together, spent time with family, vacuumed bathroom and backdoor area, husband gave me and Benny a lift to the "Y", worked out one hour, family swim with Benny, walked to main street to get Victor new belts, took cab to supermarket, did food shopping, got home, put groceries away, gathered laundry to take to laundromat because dryer is broken, put clothes in, went for pizza, took clothes home, cooked dinner, watched desperate housewives, put Benny to bed, took a shower, put clothes away, got out Vee's pj's, took a nap, woke up when Vee got home, spent time with him, went to sleep!

Time's a ticking

Today I met my son Benny's 4th grade teacher. She seems nice - an older lady. I like the older, but not yet decrepid age group as opposed to the don't even have kids of my own because I am so young group. Could I be getting old? Me, old-fashioned?! I have a tattoo - I will be young and fly forever - no? It hit me the other day that I will never be that young again. No matter what I do there will be some chick younger than me within a 2 mile radius. My older friend informs me it is only downhill from here. Thank God we get wiser or I woudl really have nothing to look forwrad to. Even though, I have met plenty of people with years behind them that haven't seemed to learn anything at all from their past experiences. I am making a conscious decision to not be one of them.

Still waiting ....

Called the recruiter several times. She hadn't heard from the Admin who was looking to hire. She thinks my resume is too paralegalish and not admin enough. Disappointed but life goes on. Like Prof. Evans pointed out - "Things don't just happen - there are no coincidence sor accidents" I wholeheardetly believe this. Everything happens for a reason even if we don't know what the reason is today - it will become evident at some point in time.

Interview

OK so I put my resume out there in monster world - i posted to Monster.com

I met with a recruiter right away! I have an interview tomorrow. i am waiting to hear what time. mid-town would eb so great! and mor emoney too - I like the $$$$

Waiting ......

I hate cell phones and smart phones are stupid

I waited an researched and hemmed and hawed before plunking down 500 bucks for a smart phone. This is something rare for me being the impulse person I am. Although, have to mention that my impulsiveness has gotten much better now that I have to pay for most things myself :( In any event, I decided on the new at the time of purchase Palm Treo. I overhead another student in my speech class raving about it (you would have thought she worked for Palm the was she was talking!). So that was just the push in Palm's direction that I needed because for a few weeks it was Blackbery Pearl in the lead, then Palm Treo, then Blackberry and finally I said Fuck it and bought the treo. I hate it - I hate it so much that I am completely turned off to all cell phones. Oh, I was going to beam documents at the touch of a button and save the day in court. I even envisioned organizing and presenting our next PowerPoint presentation in Court all from my handy "smartphone". I would look so smart in a technical new age sort of way. Ok two problems - 1) no trial with none in sight and 2) I wouldn't spend enough time with my PDA to download a new contact, let alone a PPT presentation. If I had any doubts that my feelings for my phone and phone companies was pure contempt it was all reaffirmed yesterday when I spent a good part of my lunch hour - losing $$$ BTW- waiting in line to be told I have to send my falling apart and mangled for no apparent reason phone to the insurance company if I would like a new one. Oh yeah and there is a $50.00 deductible which I have never heard of before. I won't even comment. Last gripe - I decide the least i could do to try to get along with my phone is to but nice headphones so I can actually use one feature of my phone - p-Tunes. Apparently if u don't buy palm headphones you can only hear sound from one side and you can't us ethe hands free talk trhough the headset. So teh price is $29,99 - Ok I will go for it - the girl rings me up and says that is 37.89 with tax please. Verizon is special and charges special taxes, hence the almost 10.00 extra dollars. I declined and left the store. That explains why Verizon can afford to have 4 billion people following each customer around to ensure quality reception. You've seen the commercials right? I repeast, reiterate and reaffirm - I hate cell phones and smart phones are stupid.

Evidence that I am dazed and confused

First question on my clas review paper - can critical thinking be done in our sleep? I answered "True". I need to get my head out of my ass. Trying to keep up - not easy, but as Prof. Evans said and I truly believe - "If you want something bad enough, nothing, nothing will stand in your way"

OMG! Ok, so this is my journey to law school. One tiny step forward - critical thinking class hence this blog which is required by me. I am dazed and confused.